Monday, October 27, 2008

Skiing is Such Bliss

I love skiing. I love being able to go out and just rip it. I haven't exactly gone through the summer progression of drills just kinda of jumped back into the swing of things. Yesterday was my first day back on skis since SkiTAM in April. Amazingly enough I feel pretty good considering I am on a new boot and ski. My foot is in pain but I think that it is the combination of not skiing and new boot cause today the pain was about half that it was yesterday.
We are skiing up at Copper and the weather is awesome. I think that I am bringing my bike back up with me on Wednesday cause it is in the upper 60's and beautiful. I got to the gym today and I realized how spoiled I am at the Olympic training center. I mean the gym at Break. Is nice but nothing compared to what is available at the OTC.

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

The snow has come!!!

I am so excited, I might get to wear my new winter jacket tomorrow because it is snowing in Colorado Springs. YESSSSS! I am so excited!!! I am also getting ready for everything to start up here. I already have a condo in Keystone for a week of early season training in Copper. I can't wait. Found out Jared, our ski god, got my new skis and boot for the season, wahoo. I did a whole bunch today.
Went to the prosthetic shop and am getting a new foot shell to replace the current one that I have, which has two major holes and the heel is about to blow out. I got the access to the condo in Keystone, visited a doctor friend of mine, she gave Greta and I scrips for the new prosthetic stuff, tested out the new USADA online form, started to discuss photo shoots with SKINS, and may have scored some tickets to the Av's game on Friday.
Today was a good day. Yeah. I still haven't finished moving, bummer, but there is tomorrow in the snow :) I am going skiing in a week :) I might to an Av's game :) I get to hook up with friends at the game :)

Monday, October 20, 2008

Growing Old

What I don't get about growing old is when to exit. I recently went down to visit my great great aunt. She had lived her life active all of the way. She was still mowing the yard at the age of 84. Unfortunately with all old folks the calcium just doesn't stay where it was supposed to be and she fell over and broke her hip. She was in a nursing home for a while but now she is in the care of her daughter and live in friends. She doesn't walk anymore and care takers don't get her outside all that often. I feel as though she has lived her life and is just waiting for the grace of god to take her.
As a society what do we do? Do we end the suffering or do we try to make her rehab against the odds of rehabilitation? I think that we should look at what is left for her to accomplish in life. Her husband has already passed away. There is nothing that she needs to get done, her daughter is grown, her grandson is grown. I think that I have gotten to the point that I know that her next big act is her exit and I see nothing wrong in that. I hope that she does not suffer and goes to God peacefully. I don't expect her to live forever and I hope that others can share my opinion in this.
I just hope that I am treated the same way for I don't want to linger when I have done all that I can do. I what to exit and go on it what ever is to come. I don't what to suffer and I don't want to plead, just everybody understand that it all comes to an end and everybody must face it so except it.

Colorado Springs Chill'n

I suck at this blog thing. I never get on and write but I also think about what I should tell the world. I am doing great. I did nothing for a month and now I am in full gear getting ready for the ski season. I got to move from the barracks to the nicer resident living quarters on complex, so that was exciting. I have been enjoy good and shitty weather, typical for fall in Colorado. So what have I done since my return to the United States. Well I chilled for a couple of days and didn't even try to re-adjust my sleeping hours, I just went to bed at 8pm and up at 4am. I got a lot of shit done in the mornings, and my boyfriend slept through it all. I then went to Dallas, Texas, to visit some relatives and then I did the White House Visit with all of the Olympians and Paralympians, no Micheal Phelps was not there, neither was the Basketball team.
I then cam home and vacation was done, straight to the gym. I also managed to break my socket of my leg and was required to use crutches, uugh. My body hated it, not only was I lifting for the first time in months was also trying to move rooms and that was not cool. My body was in complete rejection. I then got my leg back and to my surprise it was "marble" blue with sparkles. If you know me I don't do sparkles. Apparently they ran out of black fabric material and the owner really thinks blue looks good.
I then got a mountain bike to use for the time being at least until the snow doesn't allow it any more. I have had a blast this weekend. I feel over a couple of times but if you know me I laughed first and then got up and got back onto the bike. I had fun, lots of it. Oh yeah, the bike that I am using is a full suspension carbon Specialized that one of the national team members used last year. I made sure that I put padding on the top tube so that my right leg didn't destroy the carbon, and I have used it very much so. Lindsey Bishop took out for a joy ride yesterday and I was a little giddy school girl. I like mountain biking, it is fun. I might actually have to invest into a bike for my self.

Sunday, September 14, 2008

The TT and the beginning of the Vacation

I was happy that morning. I was very happy that day. We got to go out on the later bus so we got to hear how everybody did. Matt had mechanical issues, David had to change his position so he didn't do that well, Oz won, and Pepe was third. Not a bad start to the morning. Mike had just finished his first lap when we had arrived and he was looking strong. We still had about two and half hours of waiting until we were going. I had a bit to eat and then started going. I had yet to ride the entrance to, on, and off the dam. I got all geared up and was off riding around 1:15, I started at 3:15. I wasn't able to get a great head of steam into the unknown territory but I at least got to ride the slip and slide. It was fun. I had some minor shifting problems but those were easily solved. I then hung out for a while while Ron and Anthony got ready to go. Ron was off at 2:25. I then got all ready and started warming up on the rollers. Craig took off with Anthony to follow him on the first lap. He was playing the very eager father roll making sure that all of children were ready for the race. I was as ready as was going to be. I was the second to last athlete to go for the single bikes. I new that I could catch the girls in front of me but I didn't know whether or not Natalie from Germany would catch me. I figured it would be towards the end of first lap. I got started and was pumped. I played it smart. Took the hill with a high cadence and pushed it up over each hill. I wish that I went faster in some sections but I still won the race. I knew I had done well at the end of the day when I could here the announcer saying that I was coming with a very fast time. I got to embrace a very upset Barb because she had forgotten about the factor and the announcer was telling everybody that I had won the race. i knew that I would end up second because of the factor but I knew that if we were at worlds I would be wearing gold. I had the race of my life. I can't ask for more.

I started celebrating right away. The next day I was off to the wall and got some more souvenir shopping done. The wall is amazing. The fact that somebody thousands of years ago wanted a large wall and it got built. It was amazing to see how it just zigzagged the landscape. I went Mary Riddel, former ski teammer. I thought some of my teammates on cycling team liked to talk but she is just as bad. It was fun though, we got to go in a BOCOG vehicle and not the public shuttle. We got there quick and painless. Later a group of us went to an Irish bar with a couple of the Irish cyclist. It was a ton of fun. I got drunk and ended up at another bar with "Gus", and didn't make it home until 3:30am. I slept all of the next day. We then went to an acrobatic show, which was amazing. Three subway trains later we were back at the Village. We then wrangled up Craig and made him keep a bet that he had made, 5 golds and we get to put USA into the back of his head. If we would have gotten 8 then it was a tattoo. Craig looked like a little boy going to the dentist for the first time. We have lots of photos.

It was a great ending to the games and I am having a good vacation.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

The 3km Pursuit

The 3km pursuit is by far my least favorite event, but I always seem to do okay. The morning started off really early with a 6am wake, yes I know in the real world that is not that early but when you are used to getting up at 7-7:30, 6am seem early. A quick survey of all of the gear to make sure that I have everything I needed. I some how managed to leave my keys at the laundry drop-off so I had to run and grab those. I then got onto the bus with all of the other early morning riders and there were a lot of bikes on this particular bus so once I was in, I was stuck. Get to the track, very slowly today, and I ran off after getting my road bike down to the infield to get my traditional panoramas of the velodrome.

I then realized that they were putting me on all Mavic wheel, big deal in cycling. Because of the new wheels I had to get used to how the front wheel moved so I did an early warm-up on the track, on race gear. I was feeling awesome. I followed a CP4 from South Africa for a while and then she started to scare me with her bike handling skills so I backed off of her and did my own thing. After a while I had a little gaggle behind me and I didn't feel like sharing my draft so a did a little sneaky move by getting off of the track and acting like I was done, let the group go around me and then I jumped back on. No international crisis occurred so I was satisfied. Finished my warm-up and got off of the track and started a semi cool down because I still had an hour before my ride. I stretched and got some carbs into my system and then started to get my leg ready for the race. I went after barb again but I got to go against a rider that is more my ability but still has 2 legs.

Thanks god for the toe strap. I got up to the start, Craig the gentleman walked me up all the way to my bike. I get all strapped in and ready to go. I wasn't paying to much attention because next thing I know there is 11seconds on the clock. I gear up for the start and off I go. On the second down stroke I pulled up on my stump came out of the pedal but thank the gods for the strap for all I had to do was step down and I was still attached to my pedal. I would have hated to have had to make me and the New Zealand girl have to restart. I also had a really good start and I didn't want to try for another one. I had a good starting split which set me up for fast splits from there on out. Eventually I knew that I was going to be passed and I was ready for it. The pass just came a lot later then I am used to and then to my amazement I was able to pace off of her, not draft but pace. I fell about 20 meters back and then mustered up the strength and drive to match her pace. Unfortunately this happened with only 4 laps to go and she was going to finish right in front of me. Usually people get out the way right away but her brain shutdown and she didn't move. I gave a quick yell and she still didn't move, then I gave another one and she got the hint and got out of the way. If she hadn't moved on the second yell I was going to have to go up and around her which isn't fast that late in the race.

Barb ended up winning the race because of the factor but she did get a new world record for the CP3 category. This race was the closest that I have ever been at any competition. Jenny advanced to the gold medal round and finished 2nd and Greta was 5th only a few seconds out of the medal rounds. I packed up my track bike and then I then headed back to the village where I talked to my madre and boy back home. I can't wait to get back to everything in the States but at the same time I am glad that I am not dealing with all of the politics that is completely taken over all television, radio, and newspaper.

The 500m

I love to race, I truly do. I have this ability to get my self all worried about it and then I am there and there is not a single thing I can put into my mind to get me off my high horse. I had a good day all around. I woke up in an otay mood after an emotional train wreck the night before, no need to rain on today’s parade. I was very excited about the race and just wanted to get there and get it done. I knew going into it I wasn’t going to win but I wanted to turn some heads doing it. I always seem to get on the bike premature. I only need a quick warm up but I get excited and get on the bike 2hr before need be. At least today my leg actually felt like it wanted to work, where as yesterday I couldn’t get it to warm up worth shit where I finally gave up and just did my efforts. Back to today.

I got to watch all of my teammates go first. Good for me in ski racing bad for me on the track. I don’t want to see times or to see what is going on, impossible at the track where you have no choice. I watched Jenny win by a land slide in the mixed LC1/LC2/CP4 class. Greta had an okay ride but nothing spectacular. The factor really makes a difference. Barb rode before I did and she was the first CP3 so I got to see how badly her times were going to adjust before I went. I was ready and psyched to go. The weird thing that I am not used to but should start practicing is letting somebody else take my bike to the line without me and then I have to hope to get to it, or I just need to start carrying crutches, but that is a drag. Everything from here on out went by very quickly. I got all strapped in, got set, 15sec started to count down, Craig called out 5 to go, and then I was off. The only thing that I remember is that my rear wheel was wiggly and I could stay on the black line. Other then that I knew that I was going faster then I had ever gone before. At the end of the race I was so happy I rode the back straight where all of the fans were with my hands and head held up high. I went half a second faster then I had ever gone.

The next highlight of my day was riding back on the bus with the Irish boy, Enda and Gus. They could start their own comedy skit and become the world’s most famous comedians. It is hilarious. I official was invited to O’Shea’s, the only Irish pub in Beijing on the evening of the 13th, when their races are done for a pint of beer. I can’t wait. I am going to be pissing my pants from the laughter not the beer.

The rest of the day went without much, ate, meeting, slept.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Sept 6th Journal

The rest of the team has arrived, well they arrived days ago, oops. It is nice to finally have everybody here but it was also nice when it was just the girls, Mike, and Anthony. Pepe was voted team Captain by the majority of the team. I am getting to know Eric, the new sougier(sp). Really cool guy, hard worker, and a good sense of humor. Michelle has been a god sent. I usually have major conflicts with asking for help but she gets it. I feel comfortable at a race finally. I am not the same attention needing person I used to be. I can handle my own problems now , I do not need someone to hold my hand anymore. I have com to respect my ability and my drive. I know I can do it, I don't need somebody to point it out. I have the power.
To night we walked into a three ring circus filled with gimps, amps, and blind. There will be awesome people watching capability. For one night I have no competition, just a gathering of gimpies joined to celebrate an event where we are the stars of the show.
I will get to walk amongst friends. I will be apart of a whole. We represent the elite of the elite and there is going to be thousands there to applaud us for accomplishing where we have gotten.

Sept 3rd Journal

Yesterday was interesting. My laundry bag was lost and then once I got it I found out it was ripped and one of my jerseys was stained beyond belief. Luckily I don't need it to race in. We had a bit of down time but I really didn't have time to lay down in. I called Mom, Sis, and Justin and had a good chat with them. We went to the track in the morning/noon time. The sun rises really early here so the day is kinda funky. China doesn't do time zones so it's like being in New York with Colorado's time. I keep forgetting to bring my camera on the bus rides to and from the venues.

The bus ride to the Velodrome. First we get our own lane. Which is pretty cool for getting through traffic. The bus drivers must believe though that they may only drive in the lane because they make a mad dash over to the lane and then a mad dash out of the lane to the exit. No sense of readiness, it is an "oh shit, there is the exit and I don't want to miss it." Part of the drive is along this canal. There are fisherman with ginormous fishing rods squatting on the embankment getting the morning catch. There are tons of apartments along the journey. I know China has 1/6th the worlds population but they make NY housing look small and pathetic.

There are also more historical housing and complexes along the way, mostly settled on top of a hill so all below can see their might and beauty. They are truly amazing. These little shrines and small empires on their hill top over looking the world below them. I wonder what it was like in the centuries past how they dominated their surroundings. China has such history and awe there is no way to take it all in with the little time that I am here.

The Vegetation here is amazing as well. Thick lush bushes and willows that swallow the landscape. It is mice compared to the big cities back home where all you see is concrete boulevards and houses as far as the eye can see. Here urban meets jungle in a harmonious fashion. Yeah there is concrete but there is also green and not just green. Flowers, ponds, and rustic trees supported in every environment. I wish the States could grasp the idea that fake plants do not brighten the office, but it shows just how lazy we truly are.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Don't bottle the Anger. I am trying to learn this. I am also trying not to let anger guide my emotions or dictate my action. I am going to know that shit is about to hit the fan. I know that people are going to get on my nerves and I know that I am not going to agree with everybody's decisions. I am better then them and I can get through this without going psycho and agro with my teammates. I can only control what is with in my abilities and every thing that I can not control that I get angry at is a waste of time. I like this train of thought for it might keep me sane through these games.

We had a very good day today. I did a decent time on the track for a standing 1 lap and tomorrow is a full on race effort but only 375m and not the whole thing. Craig keeps asking me what I would like to do and then I tell him and then he goes and suggests that maybe I should do something else and then still gives me an option so then I ask him what he thinks I should do and then he tells me what to do. It is a round about way of getting a task designed but it seems to work with Craig without being mister nasty pants. I laugh at it every time.

I think things are going really well. I got the afternoon off and I made good use of it. I watch an episode of Dexter: the second season, with Greta, had a good chat with Sean, and then had team dinner and meeting. I think I enjoyed myself well. I am looking forward to riding tomorrow with race intensity. I am sure that it will work out well and I am sure that I won't get pissed off at anybody. I think it will be a good race simulation and I am ready for it.

Monday, September 1, 2008


I am completely overloaded. There is so much exciting things to see and do here I am unable to take it all in. The TT course to freaking sweet. I can't wait to race it. The "Hill" is nothing that I haven't been able to ride before. At an easy pace I think that I could have gone up it no problem. I got to ride it twice today and I am already trying to figure out where I can take more time out of the competition and where I am going to be able to beat my teammate. The drive out there at "Star"'s pace sucked but could easily be reduced to about 30mins at my pace. There is a special lane for the Paralympics and we were being passed by all of the other traffic, pathetic. I tested out wearing my water bottle cage on the back side of my socket, the only available space I have with no more room on the frame. It worked out pretty well, I must say but if the weather is what it was like today I won't need a water bottle at all. The road alway has shelter from the wind except for one section and that is it.

After lunch we went to the track and this is where the overloading really kicked in. First I forgot my newly painted stomp cup, Greta thankfully ran back for me and grabbed it. Once I was at the track I realized that I left all of my gears at the room, and there was no chainring on my bike, oops. Again Greta came to my rescue and had one that I could borrow. After that I pretty much was on top of things. I had a good and quick first session. I can't wait to get the track racing done and over with and get onto the road TT.

Once we were back at the village I got busy. After cleaning up I got my clothes over to the laundry facilities, cut the another leg off of my Skins, got a water pot for the morning coffee (came with a converter so now I can also use the grinder), and then watched the video of my teammates acting like baffoons on the bus over to the track. Dinner was good as usual. I must say I haven't eaten this well at a Paralympics since my first one in Salt Lake City.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

A Taste of the Village

I have arrived to the Paralympic Games. I am stoked to be here. The Village is awesome. I haven't even explored but a tiny bit of the whole thing. We are staying a football field away from the cafeteria and the transportation depot. I am looking forward to exploring the next couple of days. There are different gardens in between each building and a stream going in between the two USA buildings, that I know of so far. The people are very nice here and very helpful. The US delegation staff seem really cool and nice to be around. Greta Neimanas is my roommate and we are already setting up everything. I have taken my bike out of the box and there seems to be no damage, yeah. I liked the set up here because we got to see our luggage at all of the check points and make sure there was no damage. Once we got off of the plane and through security our bags were there and there were tons of people to herd us around and help out. When then got to be reunited with our bags when we checked in for the first time at the village and then the bags made it to our dorm pretty much the same time that we had gotten our keys to the room. I think that these games are going to go very well. I do wish I had some family here but it is nice not having to worry about them and their safety.

We are going to ride the road course in the morning then off to the velodrome in the afternoon. I can't wait to see either site. The weather is really nice and comfortable. I expected more humidity but it isn't that bad, nice mix between Colorado and Oregon mountains. Flying over what I think should be what the road course should look like I am looking forward to it. Everything is lush and green here.

Once I can get my brain cells working I will be able to describe more but for right now I need to go build a bike and get shit ready for tomorrow.

Saturday, August 30, 2008

The Travel

I write to you today from the airport in San Fransico. I am on my brief time off of a plane awaiting the long haul over to Beijing. I am so stoked for this. I feel that all I have to do is ride my bike. There is last minute getting to know my bike or bike repairs that I must accomplish before I can start traning and racing in upcoming couple of weeks. The anticipation is here and I am excited. I am ready for this spectacular event not matter the outcome because I know that I am going to do my best.

About the trip so far. I finished every thing that needed to be done around 12:00 am. I got to double check everything before eating breakfast at 12:15 am. Justin spent the wee hours in the evening/morning sleeping while I finished my stuff. He walked me to the bus and then said farewell. We left the OTC a little after 1:00am. I slept the majority of the bus ride up to DIA. They had all of our gear lineded up and ready to check in. After waiting 15mins or so we were checking in and then heading over to security, ask me about that some other time. I slept some more at the gate before sweet talking my way up to business where I slept through everything but the food and beverages. Now I sit here waiting to get onto the next flight over the pond and into Beijing.

I will update the rest of my travels once I am in China.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

The Undiscovered Country

If you know anything about "The Undiscovered Country" you would know what it is. It is "Time". You never know what is to come. You never know what to expect. Well you would have an idea but you never really know what lies waiting for you. I can tell you that in 20 days I will be in China. What I will be doing I do not know. I am so completely anxious for these games. I feel like a cyclist, I look it.

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Long Island RailRoad

I find it very amusing to take in the scenery well riding the Long Island Railway. The further you get from Manhattan the nicer the houses look a street or two away from the tracks. The tracks look like any other track system, really shitty next to but fine a stones throw away. There are the buildings that are so nice, the ma and pa porch swinging type, but then you look closer at the neighborhood and realize you have a better chance of being mugged then being greeted by the girl scouts selling cookies. Steadily the cars get nicer, the yards more manicured, and children's toys left outside. There is the occasional dismantled car lot where the piece is more valuable then the whole.

Then there is the "Drunken Dunkin". I was just sitting there killing time, feeling guilty about not buying anything, and low and behold I was being asked out on a date by a toothless stranger. It started off with gentleman asking for bus schedule, me not being the local am clueless, then making conversation. The typical question for the beginning of any hit-on conversation, "what is Colorado like? Cold?". No actually it was 104 last week. Straight into can I give you my phone number, to if you have time I could take you out, show you the town, and get to know each other. I was trying not to laugh the entire time. He was so cute, the way you think a 3 legged bunny is cute, and I couldn't understand half the words that came out of his mouth. I was the no thanks responder, not that I have had a lot experience or anything, I just couldn't think of any thing else to say with busting out laughing.

Monday, August 4, 2008

Tour de Airports

Ooh, how I hate the Colorado Springs airport. Small town people meet main stream travel and world. It is funny to sit and watch those non-savey travelers try to get their large electronics out of their bags, take there shoes off, take their belts off, pack only small amounts of liquid and put them into a clear bag, and then to finally remember to keep their boarding pass and ID on them when going through the metal detector. You could make great reality tv by just setting up camera at security.

The angry travler is also just as amusing. All rational thinking has long disappeared and stupidity is in full swing. Agro people are just to funny to watch. You can see them getting more and more frustrated with no real cause. They stomp up and down trying to get retorical questions answered that won't slove any problem at all.

Then there is he happy family, where the kids are in a fantisy land full to exploration and mom's and dad's chasing after them. The parents allow the kids to be happy as long as possible because they are about to co fine the kids to a small seat for the next 3 hours where the child is going to go from sweet and innocent to noncompliant and unknown frustrations. Hopefully they will wear themselves out and fall asleep as soon as they are on the plane.

Denver got smart and put in a new belgium brew pub so that have the chance to numb yourself before boarding the plane. The best flight is where you fall asleep before take off and wake up after landing. That is the best way to spend the 3 hours of being confined with 300 other people in a 20ft wide flying metal tube. If you can't fall asleep music and a book or a movie is another survival trick. Keep the mind occupied

Sunday, August 3, 2008


It is in amazement that I am now riding as well as I am. The rides that I used to save for special suffering are now plain endurance rides. I used to ride into my reserves without knowing it and end up useless the next ride. I am now riding there with no worry of the bonk occurring. I ride to ride not to train. Knowing that each ride I go on is leading to an ultimate moment of glory, no matter what the result is I will know that I will have given it my all on the day of competition and the weeks, months, and years leading up to it.

It is not every day that you can think of one thing and not freak your self out. I don't worry about the outcome just the journey to get there. I met a person who is now regretting their past because of what it has done to their body. I will never regret a thing. Yeah I will make some decisions that could really screw things up but they are just apart of the journey. If every thing were to go as planned then thing would be really monotonous and boring. To look at an obstacle and laugh is the best look on life that one could take. I have seen many obstacles and I am still here today. If I were to regret any decision I would never of accepted have excepted who I am.

You can sit here today and judge what you look like, how you behave, and what your decision should be, but you will never you. I am me and that is all I have ever asked to be. I am the jack of all traits and have no allegiances to one stereotype of being. I represent my self to the best of my abilities and that is all ask to do. I may ask questions about others but it is only to get insight into what the reasoning was and to understand it, not to judge it. I don't want to be judged but to be excepted for me.

Saturday, August 2, 2008


I get the giggles every time I fathom me starting a Blog. I then realized that there is only one way for people to really understand who I am is to tell them. Everybody can see the external reactions to life and in general they are interpreted right but never really sure so I want to make sure that I am seen for who I am.

I will give you insight to where I am right now. I am getting ready for the Beijing Paralympic Games and I am very happy. I am riding really well right now. I think I have a handle on life and I am finally taking control of where my life is going. I can go either direction in my life and still be completely satisfied with my life. I am no longer being guided by my family but taking their advise into consideration and then making up my own life.

I ride my bike almost everyday and each ride I do gets a little easier or I go a little farther in the same time. I can see the results in both my riding and in my body. I have never been in this good of shape in my life. I want to do more though. I feel as though I have just scratched the surface of my potential and I want to take it for a ride. I want to branch out and find a living that is for me. That fulfills my dreams and aspirations.

As you read this you can be questioning the dreams that I have already accomplished. I have skied for my entire life and I have done really well at that. I haven't seen the world outside of skiing though. Every where I go is winter, snow, cold, skis, and no external memories. I want to go around the world and experience it. I have been to New Zealand and actually seen it but every where I go I do not get to see it.

One day in the not so distant future I will find it and I will exploit it for what it is truly worth.